The Tangent Series
Episode 3
Leadership NOT the Control You’ve Been Taught
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
It’s Political
Recently, I received a text from my Provincial constituent seeking to confirm my support in the upcoming election. The message outlined everything the current government is supposedly doing wrong and how they’ve "misled" the people. I found it both intriguing and frankly, annoying. Where’s the accountability? And let’s not even get into the blatant disregard for Canada’s Anti-Spam Legislation (CASL)—which, by the way, political campaigns are conveniently exempt from anyway.
And really, it wasn’t the message itself that poked the bear—it was the in-your-face, demeaning tone and the way opposing parties were minimized that made my eyes roll. Why is it necessary to use others as a stepping stone to get where you want to be? Wouldn’t it show more integrity to lead by your own merit, letting intellect and wisdom speak for themselves? But who am I kidding? That’s never been what dominates platforms desperate for attention.
Frankly, I wanted to respond with a question: what transparency and accountability—central to the platform—are guaranteed if we give our approval and entrust our futures to what’s boldly proclaimed as the “right way”? Simply put, if I vote for you based on these promises and you fail to deliver, what recourse do we have? What loophole allows this bait-and-switch, eroding democracy?
This lack of accountability is often dismissed as politics as usual, but I like to call it something else: failure to lead.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
It’s Personal
Of course, I did have a little bee in my bonnet so to speak, buzzing in reminder of how things really play out. In recent years, my family and I have “fallen ill” from the lack of medical services, leaving us in our own state of desperation. My oldest needed a PICC line after multiple failed attempts to treat a simple ear infection were dismissed, allowing the infection to spread to her forehead, neck, and cheekbones. Meanwhile, my youngest was sent home after a 12-hour emergency wait, told she was just experiencing “lady cramps.” Fortunately, a return trip to the ER led to emergency surgery to remove her appendix. Those pesky "lady cramps" sure do travel.
I suppose I could argue Section 7 of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms—Right to Life, Liberty, and Security of the Person—but I suspect the Canada Health Act would challenge any “misdemeanor” a civilian like myself claiming that delays or denial of medical care violate this right. Even if I do pay for those inaccessible medical services out of my own tax dollars. To be fair, the Health Act primarily focuses on the financial framework and accessibility of healthcare, not on regulating its quality, efficiency, or availability. So, it seems the actual responsibility for providing care falls in the hands of provincial and territorial governments.
So that “leads” me back to leadership and that propaganda text reminding ME of MY responsibility to participate in the changes I wanted to see happen—those changes that would only happen if I marked X appropriately.
I turned to my husband who was sitting beside me with a long rambling of ways I wanted to respond to the text. He smirked. “You should do it,” he said. I knew that meant “You probably shouldn’t,” so I probably won’t let him read this post either!
All politics aside, it’s not really “political” leadership I am addressing so much in my current tangent. Honestly, it’s simply the implications of “Leading” as it pertains to what it truly is, verses the bull we are running with (no pun intended).
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
It’s Biblical
In society, the idea of leadership has often been misinterpreted or twisted. Leadership can be mistaken for domination or manipulation. Society tends to crown power with a manmade hierarchy, but the Bible paints a different picture. Christ calls leaders to higher standards—ones that promote servanthood, integrity and love. Yet His words and the worlds do not align, there are no hyphens connecting servanthood with control or integrity with pride.
Frankly, I’m less concerned with the worldly view of leadership and more troubled by what I’m seeing on the faith platform. And to be real, some of it gives me that “ringing of the rag” sensation in the pit of my gut. I’m left shaking my head, wondering, where are these so-called leadership skills coming from? Those who get it right, really get it right. And don’t get me wrong—there are plenty who do. But those who get it wrong—they leave skid marks of failure, complete with smoke for dramatic effect. It’s the smoke that’s repugnant.
Why do I care? Interesting that you should ask. Because I’m seeing the wreckage—disgrace, blatant disregard for God's sovereignty, as if He can’t see the motives of the heart. Some seem to have forgotten that God cannot be mocked. I’m here to remind them.
Yet it’s the very overlap of false views and true biblical leadership that causes confusion. This disgrace leaves those seeking a relationship with God sprinting in the opposite direction. I’d like to turn that road around. So let’s explore what Christ laid out for us, and contrast it with the distorted leadership society often promotes.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Loyalty and Integrity vs. Manipulation and Broken Promises
Loyalty and integrity are the foundation of strong leadership. Loyalty means staying committed to your word and the people who trust you, while integrity is about being honest and doing what is right, even when it's hard. Many of us think of integrity as doing what is right even when no one is watching. But the truth is, "no one" watching is never really possible because God is always watching—we just forget that sometimes. On the other hand, manipulation uses deceit to control others for personal gain, and broken promises lead to distrust and hurt. When leaders fail to keep their word, it damages the trust they’ve built, leaving behind a trail of disappointment and betrayal. Whether you’re leading a political party, a corporation, or a family, the consequences are often similar.
Biblical Call
“Let your yes be yes and your no be no” (Matthew 5:37 NIV). Leaders are expected to keep their promises, reflect God’s faithfulness, and lead by example. The Bible repeatedly emphasizes that leaders must be faithful, both to God and to those they lead. A powerful example of this is found in the story of Nehemiah.
In Nehemiah 2:17-18 (NIV), Nehemiah says:
“Then I said to them, ‘You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace.’ I also told them about the gracious hand of my God on me and what the king had said to me. They replied, ‘Let us start rebuilding.’ So they began this good work.”
Nehemiah exemplifies a leader who doesn’t waver or manipulate. He is committed to the mission, relying on God's guidance and holding firm to his task, demonstrating what true leadership looks like in action. His unwavering faith, honesty, and dedication to the cause of rebuilding Jerusalem reflect the kind of leadership that stands on integrity and trust, echoing Jesus' command to let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no. In simple terms, if you commit to doing something, do it.
Human Distortion
Manipulation creeps into leadership when individuals seek power for themselves rather than for the good of those they lead. The world often presents leadership as an avenue to manipulate others for personal gain. A political leader promising change with no intention of following through mirrors the spouse who promises love and care but breaks those vows when life gets hard. Leadership rooted in broken promises leaves behind nothing but distrust and hurt, as we often see in the aftermath of failed leadership in families or communities. Disloyalty is a difficult position to recover from.
Proverbs 25:14 captures this well: “Like clouds and wind without rain is one who boasts of gifts never given.” If you want to be known for something, being a man or woman of your word is a good place to start.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Servant Leadership vs. Dictatorial Control
Servant leadership and dictatorial control represent two very different approaches to leading others. Servant leadership is rooted in humility, focusing on the needs of others and empowering them to grow and succeed. A servant leader puts the well-being of their team or community first, leading with compassion and integrity. In contrast, dictatorial control is about wielding power to dominate and control others for personal gain. A dictatorial leader often uses fear and manipulation, prioritizing their own authority over the welfare of those they lead. While servant leadership builds trust and respect, dictatorial control breeds resentment and division.
Biblical Call
Jesus models servant leadership by washing His disciples’ feet in John 13:14-15 (NIV)--"Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you."
In this profound act of humility, Jesus demonstrates that leadership is not about power or prestige but about serving others, even in the most humble ways. By taking on the role of a servant, He sets the ultimate example of what it means to lead through love and service. This sounds like an easy task if we are cleaning our children’s feet after a long day at the beach. But something tells me this is not what Jesus is referring to here…
Further emphasizing this, Jesus says in Mark 10:45 (NIV)--"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Here, Christ reminds us that His mission on earth was not to demand service from others but to offer Himself in service, ultimately laying down His life for humanity. This model of sacrificial leadership calls all leaders to serve others with humility, compassion, and selflessness. I can say with assuredness here, “I fall short.”
Human Distortion
Many assume that being a leader means wielding authority like a weapon. We see this on the political stage, where dictatorship rears its ugly head. In families, leadership can often devolve into control—gaslighting and emotional manipulation—rather than the Christ-like service that Scripture advocates.
The popular reference has long time been Ephesians 5:22-24 (NIV)--"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." This is where the reference usually stops.
But if we read further to Ephesians 5:25-30 (NIV) we read the extreme high calling of the husband--"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body."
Wow. The call for husbands to love their wives is profound and deeply rooted in the sacrificial love that Christ demonstrated for the church. This relationship emphasizes that the husband is “not” a ruler over his wife but a “servant leader” who mirrors the love and humility of Christ.
By placing Christ as the head of the household, husbands are called to seek God’s guidance in their decisions and actions, ensuring that their leadership is one of love, respect, and support. In the marriage described in Ephesians 5, Christ is the Cornerstone. The husband would bring all to Christ in prayer, prioritizing their wives’ well-being and spiritual growth, nurturing them as they would their own bodies. This framework dismisses any notion of ownership; instead, it promotes partnership in the marriage.
In the Christ-centered marriage, there would be no coercion, control, abuse or manipulation. Each would place the other on a platform higher than themselves and commit themselves to serving one another.
I understand that many wives have been manipulated into staying in abusive relationships through the distortion of these verses and others. The call to forgiveness is often used to justify the continuation of abuse. I will not go deep into this topic here, but it needs to be re-iterated that the husband described in Ephesians 5 is a Godly man. A Godly man reflects God's character in his behavior and actions.
The same applies in faith communities when leaders abuse their positions for personal gain, leading others astray. The call of a servant leader is to be in servitude, which is the exact opposite of what we often recognize as leadership in society. It appears that God challenges our conventional understanding of leadership, turning it on its head.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Truth and Transparency vs. Hidden Agendas and Deception
Truth and transparency are essential qualities in any relationship. Handing your phone to your spouse on demand has long been a sign that nothing is being hidden. Truth refers to the commitment to honesty and the presentation of facts, while transparency involves being open about processes, decisions, and intentions. In contrast, hidden agendas and deception involve ulterior motives and dishonesty. When leaders conceal their true intentions or manipulate information, they erode trust and create a culture of suspicion. While truth and transparency strengthen relationships, hidden agendas and deception lead to betrayal and disillusionment. Jesus was never afraid to speak the truth, even when it was difficult. Society, however, often equates leadership with strategic deception—saying what’s necessary to gain favor, rather than speaking the truth. Propaganda can create a captivating narrative that blinds us to the real needs at hand.
Biblical Call
Jesus, as the embodiment of truth, says in John 14:6 (NIV), “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” A leader is called to be truthful, living a life of transparency and honesty. Throughout His ministry, Jesus consistently communicated openly with His disciples and followers, never shying away from difficult truths. He addressed sin directly but always accompanied His words with love and grace, encouraging repentance and transformation rather than condemnation.
In His interactions, Jesus modeled transparency by sharing His mission and intentions with those around Him. For instance, He openly discussed His purpose of salvation, His impending death, and the hope of resurrection. As Matthew 16:21 (NIV) states, “From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests, and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.” This verse illustrates how Jesus candidly communicated His mission and the challenges He would face.
This kind of open communication is vital in relationships, including marriages, where speaking the truth in love creates a foundation of trust. As Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) reminds us, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” In marriages, speaking the truth to one another in love fosters deep trust, which is the highest form of intimacy and cultivates a safe space for vulnerability and authenticity.
Human Distortion
Unfortunately, many leaders believe they need to withhold information or manipulate situations to maintain control. This perspective often stems from a fear of vulnerability or a misguided belief that transparency undermines their authority. This distortion of leadership can be observed in public figures who hide behind polished words, using rhetoric that obscures their true intentions. Have you ever listened to a political discussion and then asked yourself, “What was actually said? There was a lot of circling around, but nothing meaningful was communicated.” It sounds good in theory, but if you had to rehash the key points, you’d be at a loss for words.
When truth is replaced with deceit, leadership fails and the foundation of trust crumbles. As leaders prioritize control over honesty, they create environments where insecurity and suspicion thrive. Over time, this can lead to a toxic culture where individuals feel compelled to hide their true selves, fearing repercussions for speaking out or showing vulnerability. In contrast, true leadership should foster an atmosphere of openness and accountability, empowering individuals to engage authentically and collaboratively.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Humility and Service vs. Pride and Self-Promotion
Humility and service stand in stark contrast to pride and self-promotion in the realm of leadership and personal conduct. Humility is the quality of being modest and respectful, recognizing that true strength lies in serving others rather than seeking personal glory. In the space of humility—you are not number one. By very definition it involves putting the needs of others before one's own. In contrast, pride often leads to a sense of superiority and entitlement, where individuals seek recognition and validation at the expense of others. Self-promotion emphasizes personal achievements and status, often overshadowing the contributions of those around them. We all know individuals who believe they have reached the top solely by their own efforts, viewing themselves as a one-person machine!
Biblical Call
Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV) reminds us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” The heart of Christ-centered leadership is fundamentally about putting others first.
Moses, for example, is described as the most humble man on the face of the earth in Numbers 12:3 (NIV)—“Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.” It was this humility that made him a great leader. Rather than seeking personal glory or recognition, Moses consistently sought to serve God and his people.
Matthew 20:26-28 (NIV) reinforces this call to servant leadership, where Jesus states, “Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Here, Jesus exemplifies humility and service as the highest virtues in leadership, urging His followers to adopt a servant-hearted approach.
Humility and service are not just desirable traits; they are essential qualities that reflect the character of Christ and lead to authentic, effective leadership. If our call as Christians is to emulate Christ, we must embody these virtues in our daily lives.
Human Distortion
I didn’t want to go there—but I think I have to. Picture a well-known pastor speaking from the pulpit, having built a prominent platform. Then one day, breaking news reveals that this pastor, who has been teaching and preaching the Word of God, has been living a double life. His family is in shambles, and the children are suffering desperately. And to what do we owe this scenario?
The world often celebrates leaders who are full of pride, viewing humility as a weakness. In reality, prideful leadership leaves destruction in its wake—families break apart, communities suffer, and churches become divided. As the Bible frequently highlights, pride is a significant sin. In Proverbs 16:18 (NIV), it states, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Pride can lead to a person's downfall and is often viewed as a root cause of many other sins.
Whether in the workplace, community, or home, a leader who is too proud to listen, learn, and grow will ultimately fail those they are called to lead. In my book, Blaming God – A Victim’s Journey, I conclude that, “Whether we think we are better or we think we are worse—we are prideful. True humility is knowing and believing who we are in Christ.”
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Faithfulness in Leadership vs. Abandoning Responsibility in Times of Crisis
In the realm of leadership, faithfulness is the unwavering commitment to uphold one's responsibilities, particularly during challenging times. A faithful leader stands firm in their values, guiding their team or community through adversity with integrity and perseverance. In contrast, abandoning responsibility in times of crisis reflects a lack of accountability. This abandonment often occurs when leaders prioritize personal interests or fear over their duty to those they lead, resulting in a breakdown of trust and morale. Ultimately, the contrast between faithfulness and abandonment highlights the crucial role that strong, principled leadership plays in navigating crises effectively. A leader who “jumps ship,” leaves the ship to sink.
Biblical Call
Faithfulness is rooted in accountability, integrity, and a commitment to serving others, especially in times of crisis. Proverbs 20:6 (NIV) reminds us, “Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?” Ouch. This stings a little. I’d certainly have to question my own posture and whether or not my actions reflect the true definition of faithfulness. I want to believe they do, but when I meditate on what it really means, I have to admit I fall short.
Jesus exemplified faithful leadership, even to the point of death. In Luke 22:42 (NIV), He prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Even in the face of immense suffering, Jesus remained faithful to His mission. Leaders today are called to this same faithfulness, even when it’s hard.
Additionally, Matthew 25:21 (NIV) illustrates the reward of faithfulness in leadership through the parable of the talents: “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’” This verse indicates that faithfulness in small responsibilities leads to greater opportunities. Amen to that!
Human Distortion
In modern leadership, we often see individuals abandoning their posts when faced with difficulty. In families, this looks like spouses walking away from vows when the marriage gets hard, or political leaders failing to serve their constituents when their popularity declines. In Ezekiel 34:2-4 (NIV), God rebukes negligent leaders, saying, “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost.’”
The truth is, we can abandon our responsibilities as much as we want, but there will be consequences.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Reconciliation and Restoration vs. Division and Destruction
Finally, true leadership seeks to reconcile and restore. Reconciliation refers to the process of mending relationships, often involving forgiveness, understanding, and a commitment to healing past wounds. Restoration goes hand in hand with reconciliation, focusing on bringing something back to its original state or improving it after conflict or hardship. In contrast, division and destruction represent the breakdown of relationships and unity, often resulting from conflict, misunderstanding, or unresolved grievances. While division leads to isolation and discord, destruction can have lasting negative impacts, tearing apart families, communities, and organizations. Leaders are called to be peacemakers, to heal broken relationships, and to build up rather than tear down. However, society often praises leaders who divide and destroy, pitting people against each other for gain.
Biblical Call
Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV) teaches us about the urgency of reconciliation--“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” God clearly communicates that our worship and service are incomplete when we harbor unresolved conflicts. I must also admit that I often fall short in my humanity.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19 (NIV) further emphasizes our role in reconciliation--“All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.” Here, Paul reminds us that as followers of Christ, we are called to actively participate in reconciliation, mirroring the grace God extends to us.
Nehemiah’s leadership in rebuilding Jerusalem serves as a powerful example of restoration. As mentioned in an earlier section, he recognized the brokenness of his people and felt compelled to lead them in rebuilding and restoring what was lost. His leadership was characterized by reconciliation, bringing his community together (Nehemiah 2:17-18). In Matthew 5:9 (NIV), Jesus states, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
Human Distortion
Humans have distorted the call to reconciliation and restoration through division and destruction by allowing pride, selfishness, and fear to override the commitment to unity and peace. Instead of fostering understanding and resolving conflicts, many individuals and leaders resort to divisive tactics, creating an environment of hostility and mistrust. This is evident in the polarization we see today, whether in politics or within congregations, where it often becomes a battle of left against right.
This behavior often manifests in gossip, manipulation, and exclusion, which erode relationships and communities. As James 3:16 (NIV) warns, “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” The focus shifts from healing and collaboration to competition and strife, resulting in broken bonds and a fragmented society. In doing so, they not only betray the biblical call to be peacemakers but also perpetuate cycles of conflict and suffering that hinder true restoration.
Christ calls us to something higher—a leadership that brings reconciliation, healing, and unity.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Love Everyone As Demonstrated (LEAD)
True leadership, as modeled by Christ, is not about power, control, or pride. It’s about service, humility, integrity, and truth. Whether you are leading in your family, church, or community, biblical leadership calls you to a higher standard. It requires you to reject society’s distorted views of leadership and embrace the example of Christ—leading with love, sacrifice, and a heart for others.
When leaders fail to live up to these standards, the consequences ripple through families, communities, and societies. But when leaders follow Christ’s example, they build others up, lead with integrity, and create lasting impact. Let us seek to embody this kind of leadership in all areas of life, reflecting the servant heart of Jesus and standing firm in the high calling of true, Christ-like leadership.