Q4: You didn’t get earthly justice in a courtroom the way you longed for. What prevents you from living with a mindset of continual desire for revenge and vengeance?
A: When faced with injustice, especially when earthly justice seems out of reach, it’s natural to feel a pull toward revenge and vengeance. I don’t believe God is surprised that our hearts initially tend to lean in this direction. He knows our natural tendencies—after all—He is the one who knit us together. But to understand the differences between living with the mindset of desire for these, verses feeling righteous anger towards an injustice, we first need to define what they truly mean. These definitions are not all-inclusive, but a brief description for a better understanding.
· Revenge often stems from anger and a desire to repay harm with harm, to inflict damage equal to or greater than what we’ve suffered. It’s the "eye for an eye" mentality, driven by the immediate need to make someone else feel the pain we’ve endured.
· Vengeance, on the other hand, while it can be satisfied through revenge, often leans more towards a sense of justice, a desire to see wrongs righted, particularly in a broader societal context. We might think of vengeance in terms of good versus evil, with a longing to see good prevail. However, both revenge and vengeance can lead us down a dangerous path, one that moves us away from trusting in God’s justice.
The Role of Obedience
The short answer to what prevents me from living in a continual mindset of revenge and vengeance is obedience—obedience to God and a desire to do what is right in His eyes. However, I didn’t fully grasp this position at first. My heart certainly did not start here, and it took a lot of gentle persuasion from God to bring me around. To be completely honest, I was super angry that I felt an internal restraint from seeking revenge to its fullest. So, if you’re reading this and you are wondering if I’m sugarcoating my reality—I can assure you that arriving at the point of “letting go” took decades of wrestling.
My default settings didn’t come with a “hand it to God and rest” button. In the fight-or-flight response, my only option seemed to be fight mode. But to fully understand the dynamics of how all of these fit together, we need to explore how obedience is closely intertwined with remorse, conviction, and ultimately, trust in God.
The Process of Conviction and Remorse
If you’ve ever felt God’s conviction, you know the deep, visceral feeling of remorse that accompanies it. It’s that overwhelming sense of sorrow that washes over you when you realize you’ve disobeyed God, whether through your actions, words, or even your thoughts. This feeling of conviction is a form of God’s gentle discipline. In His mercy, He allows us an opportunity to recognize our own sinfulness.
But what does personal remorse have to do with resisting the urge for revenge and vengeance? At first I would have believed these two positions to be very far apart. But this is part of what I believe God was trying to teach me. It is crucial that we are able to feel remorse; it means we can acknowledge our own sinfulness. And when we start from this place of humility, it changes how we view others and the wrongs done to us.
Acknowledging Our Own Sin
I understand that this position seems out of place to expect from someone who has experienced harm. Or is it? Sometimes, sitting in the space of harm creates a blindness to our own sinfulness. Our harm towards others is overlooked because it is defined as a “product of.” Behaviours become extensions of harm we have or are experiencing and instead of owning them personally, we apply them as part of our personal harm stories. We are resentful because, we are bitter because, we are hostile because, we are angry because… Each “because” removes us from the responsibility of how we respond to others. This creates a domino momentum effect.
An unacknowledged sin creates harm that fertilizes the soil for that sin to continue to grow, for harm to be passed on. For example, a physically abusive spouse could have once been a child abused. The unhealed harm manifested into replicating the abuse. Although, they may not be able to acknowledge their behaviour as abuse, as these actions come from a personal place of feeling harmed and therefore sometimes are not identifiable as causing harm. In this same space, the spouse being abused may feel bitter and angry that life has dealt the cards it has. The response may be to verbally abuse the children caught in the middle. Does this ripple effect excuse the harm passed on to the children? Is that harm ok because it comes from a space of being harmed personally?
If our response to sins against us is to sin against others, there comes a time where we must acknowledge our own sinfulness. Acknowledging our own sinfulness means owning our own behaviours and not attaching them as a product of harm done to us personally. If we are blaming our sins towards others on the one who has sinned against us we are sitting in a self-righteous position of believing our sins are not as “black” as others, or we are “better” than others or worse, that we are not even sinners at all.
I learned this lesson the slow and painful way; by coming face to face with my own sin (the sin I thought was “white”).
Self-Realization
Upfront, I’d like to say that coming to this realization is not as cut and dry as I’ve written it out to be. I fully understand what it’s like to live in survival mode. I know the weight of desperation, and I also know that when you’re in that space, it’s often impossible to “see” anything. There is a reason it often takes decades to crawl out from underneath the rubble. But when we do see that slight light of day, we have to let God use it.
God remains present in the valley, and it is such a time as this that He wants to take what the enemy meant for harm and use it for our good—Genesis 50:20. However, if we fail to acknowledge our own sinfulness, it removes the ability for Him to work that transformation in us.
In moments of introspection, when I reflect on the harm I’ve experienced, I am also reminded of the harm I’ve caused others. Christ has shown me immense mercy in my own sins, and in recognizing this, I feel deeply convicted about any harm I may have inflicted on others. From this position, how could I then turn around and seek to create more harm, even under the guise of revenge or vengeance? My prayer for those who have harmed me or my family would be one of repentance. In this, the harm caused would be acknowledged and going forward, restitution of sin would be an automatic response. This is a “best case scenario,” a “win-win” situation.
The Danger of a Hardened Heart
When we deny our own sinfulness it invites a hardened heart. The heart becomes hard because we think we deserve better than others. We simply define our own sin as different than that of those who have sinned against us. When we feel this, we are seeking grace and believing we deserve it, but do not offer it to others because they “do not” deserve it. In Galatians we are told to love “others” as ourselves. Where does this mindset fall, in loving others as ourselves? Yes—I know—you don’t want to hear this—and neither did I.
The truth is, when we acknowledge our own sinfulness, we feel God’s conviction. Conviction is the position where God says, “Here is your opportunity to give this to me.” He offers us His mercy through gentle discipline. We can accept it or refuse it -- but either way -- the sin will be dealt with. God’s conviction leads to remorse. In remorse, we vow to never harm in that way again. This leads to repentance—the turning away from our sin. The acting out of our repentance (or restitution) is where we do our very best (with God’s guidance) to repay the harm we have caused to others. Again, if we don’t acknowledge that we too create harm, it removes all of the above steps. In denial, we land back on self-righteousness where we are waiting for God to work, while refusing to work ourselves.
We can only reach this receptible relationship with Christ when our hardened hearts become soft. Sometimes affliction can hardened our hearts. But God is patient. He will wait as long as it takes for your heart to soften. He will teach you the same lesson on repeat, until finally—you get it. When you get it—is when the healing starts.
Living with a mindset of revenge and vengeance hardens the heart. It keeps us trapped in a cycle of anger and bitterness, preventing us from moving forward into healing. It’s as if we’re saying to God, "I don’t trust that you see my pain, that you understand the depth of my suffering, or that you will avenge me in the way I need."
Trusting God to Avenge
The Bible repeatedly assures us that vengeance belongs to God. In Deuteronomy 32:35, He says, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay." Similarly, Romans 12:19 reminds us, "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord."
These verses are not just commands; they are promises. They assure us that God sees our suffering, understands our pain, and will act in His perfect timing and wisdom. Our role is to trust Him, to relinquish our need for personal revenge, and to believe that His justice is far greater than anything we could enact ourselves.
The Full Gospel Story
True justice in the gospel is not about repaying harm with harm, but about repentance, forgiveness, and transformation. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is the ultimate expression of God’s justice and mercy intertwined. It teaches us that true restitution doesn’t come through human acts of vengeance, but through a heart transformed by the love and grace of God.
If we could put this in a flow chart or bullet-point form, it would go something like this:
· Obedience
· Conviction of Sin
· Remorse
· Repentance
· Restitution
· Trust
· Obedience
The process begins and ends with obedience. Everything in between—the conviction, repentance, and trust—is a reflection of our deep desire for obedience to God, coming full circle with trust in our Father.
However, when we are harmed, we tend to lean more towards the pattern below (and remember, I am only a messenger!):
· We are harmed
· We feel unprotected
· We desire payback
· We become blind to our own sin
· We project our sin onto others, especially those who wronged us
· We do not feel remorse
· We do not repent
· We become angry at God
· We do not trust God
· Our hearts harden
This pattern pulls us further from God’s intended design for restoration and freedom. But Jesus shows us a better way. His words in Matthew 5:44 reminds us: “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
Obedience Leading to Trust
The natural human response to injustice is often the desire for revenge and vengeance. However, through obedience to God--rooted in trust--we can rise above these destructive impulses. When we place our trust in God’s promise to avenge us, we can release the weight of seeking revenge ourselves and allow Him to handle it in His way and His time.
This however, is only achieved through a trusting relationship with God. Trust fuels the desire for obedience. As we solidify our identity in Christ and accept His goodness, we no longer feel the need to avenge ourselves. Instead, we can rest in the assurance that God sees our pain, loves us, and will act on our behalf in ways far beyond our understanding.
This process is not easy, especially for those who have endured deep harm, but it is the path to true freedom—a freedom not from pain or suffering, but from the burden of carrying it alone. By trusting God, we give Him the space to transform our sorrows into something that brings glory to Him and peace to our hearts.
The key to this transformation is a heart that softens. A hardened heart must become soft for God to work within us.
· Revenge often stems from anger and a desire to repay harm with harm, to inflict damage equal to or greater than what we’ve suffered. It’s the "eye for an eye" mentality, driven by the immediate need to make someone else feel the pain we’ve endured.
· Vengeance, on the other hand, while it can be satisfied through revenge, often leans more towards a sense of justice, a desire to see wrongs righted, particularly in a broader societal context. We might think of vengeance in terms of good versus evil, with a longing to see good prevail. However, both revenge and vengeance can lead us down a dangerous path, one that moves us away from trusting in God’s justice.
The Role of Obedience
The short answer to what prevents me from living in a continual mindset of revenge and vengeance is obedience—obedience to God and a desire to do what is right in His eyes. However, I didn’t fully grasp this position at first. My heart certainly did not start here, and it took a lot of gentle persuasion from God to bring me around. To be completely honest, I was super angry that I felt an internal restraint from seeking revenge to its fullest. So, if you’re reading this and you are wondering if I’m sugarcoating my reality—I can assure you that arriving at the point of “letting go” took decades of wrestling.
My default settings didn’t come with a “hand it to God and rest” button. In the fight-or-flight response, my only option seemed to be fight mode. But to fully understand the dynamics of how all of these fit together, we need to explore how obedience is closely intertwined with remorse, conviction, and ultimately, trust in God.
The Process of Conviction and Remorse
If you’ve ever felt God’s conviction, you know the deep, visceral feeling of remorse that accompanies it. It’s that overwhelming sense of sorrow that washes over you when you realize you’ve disobeyed God, whether through your actions, words, or even your thoughts. This feeling of conviction is a form of God’s gentle discipline. In His mercy, He allows us an opportunity to recognize our own sinfulness.
But what does personal remorse have to do with resisting the urge for revenge and vengeance? At first I would have believed these two positions to be very far apart. But this is part of what I believe God was trying to teach me. It is crucial that we are able to feel remorse; it means we can acknowledge our own sinfulness. And when we start from this place of humility, it changes how we view others and the wrongs done to us.
Acknowledging Our Own Sin
I understand that this position seems out of place to expect from someone who has experienced harm. Or is it? Sometimes, sitting in the space of harm creates a blindness to our own sinfulness. Our harm towards others is overlooked because it is defined as a “product of.” Behaviours become extensions of harm we have or are experiencing and instead of owning them personally, we apply them as part of our personal harm stories. We are resentful because, we are bitter because, we are hostile because, we are angry because… Each “because” removes us from the responsibility of how we respond to others. This creates a domino momentum effect.
An unacknowledged sin creates harm that fertilizes the soil for that sin to continue to grow, for harm to be passed on. For example, a physically abusive spouse could have once been a child abused. The unhealed harm manifested into replicating the abuse. Although, they may not be able to acknowledge their behaviour as abuse, as these actions come from a personal place of feeling harmed and therefore sometimes are not identifiable as causing harm. In this same space, the spouse being abused may feel bitter and angry that life has dealt the cards it has. The response may be to verbally abuse the children caught in the middle. Does this ripple effect excuse the harm passed on to the children? Is that harm ok because it comes from a space of being harmed personally?
If our response to sins against us is to sin against others, there comes a time where we must acknowledge our own sinfulness. Acknowledging our own sinfulness means owning our own behaviours and not attaching them as a product of harm done to us personally. If we are blaming our sins towards others on the one who has sinned against us we are sitting in a self-righteous position of believing our sins are not as “black” as others, or we are “better” than others or worse, that we are not even sinners at all.
I learned this lesson the slow and painful way; by coming face to face with my own sin (the sin I thought was “white”).
Self-Realization
Upfront, I’d like to say that coming to this realization is not as cut and dry as I’ve written it out to be. I fully understand what it’s like to live in survival mode. I know the weight of desperation, and I also know that when you’re in that space, it’s often impossible to “see” anything. There is a reason it often takes decades to crawl out from underneath the rubble. But when we do see that slight light of day, we have to let God use it.
God remains present in the valley, and it is such a time as this that He wants to take what the enemy meant for harm and use it for our good—Genesis 50:20. However, if we fail to acknowledge our own sinfulness, it removes the ability for Him to work that transformation in us.
In moments of introspection, when I reflect on the harm I’ve experienced, I am also reminded of the harm I’ve caused others. Christ has shown me immense mercy in my own sins, and in recognizing this, I feel deeply convicted about any harm I may have inflicted on others. From this position, how could I then turn around and seek to create more harm, even under the guise of revenge or vengeance? My prayer for those who have harmed me or my family would be one of repentance. In this, the harm caused would be acknowledged and going forward, restitution of sin would be an automatic response. This is a “best case scenario,” a “win-win” situation.
The Danger of a Hardened Heart
When we deny our own sinfulness it invites a hardened heart. The heart becomes hard because we think we deserve better than others. We simply define our own sin as different than that of those who have sinned against us. When we feel this, we are seeking grace and believing we deserve it, but do not offer it to others because they “do not” deserve it. In Galatians we are told to love “others” as ourselves. Where does this mindset fall, in loving others as ourselves? Yes—I know—you don’t want to hear this—and neither did I.
The truth is, when we acknowledge our own sinfulness, we feel God’s conviction. Conviction is the position where God says, “Here is your opportunity to give this to me.” He offers us His mercy through gentle discipline. We can accept it or refuse it -- but either way -- the sin will be dealt with. God’s conviction leads to remorse. In remorse, we vow to never harm in that way again. This leads to repentance—the turning away from our sin. The acting out of our repentance (or restitution) is where we do our very best (with God’s guidance) to repay the harm we have caused to others. Again, if we don’t acknowledge that we too create harm, it removes all of the above steps. In denial, we land back on self-righteousness where we are waiting for God to work, while refusing to work ourselves.
We can only reach this receptible relationship with Christ when our hardened hearts become soft. Sometimes affliction can hardened our hearts. But God is patient. He will wait as long as it takes for your heart to soften. He will teach you the same lesson on repeat, until finally—you get it. When you get it—is when the healing starts.
Living with a mindset of revenge and vengeance hardens the heart. It keeps us trapped in a cycle of anger and bitterness, preventing us from moving forward into healing. It’s as if we’re saying to God, "I don’t trust that you see my pain, that you understand the depth of my suffering, or that you will avenge me in the way I need."
Trusting God to Avenge
The Bible repeatedly assures us that vengeance belongs to God. In Deuteronomy 32:35, He says, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay." Similarly, Romans 12:19 reminds us, "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord."
These verses are not just commands; they are promises. They assure us that God sees our suffering, understands our pain, and will act in His perfect timing and wisdom. Our role is to trust Him, to relinquish our need for personal revenge, and to believe that His justice is far greater than anything we could enact ourselves.
The Full Gospel Story
True justice in the gospel is not about repaying harm with harm, but about repentance, forgiveness, and transformation. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is the ultimate expression of God’s justice and mercy intertwined. It teaches us that true restitution doesn’t come through human acts of vengeance, but through a heart transformed by the love and grace of God.
If we could put this in a flow chart or bullet-point form, it would go something like this:
· Obedience
· Conviction of Sin
· Remorse
· Repentance
· Restitution
· Trust
· Obedience
The process begins and ends with obedience. Everything in between—the conviction, repentance, and trust—is a reflection of our deep desire for obedience to God, coming full circle with trust in our Father.
However, when we are harmed, we tend to lean more towards the pattern below (and remember, I am only a messenger!):
· We are harmed
· We feel unprotected
· We desire payback
· We become blind to our own sin
· We project our sin onto others, especially those who wronged us
· We do not feel remorse
· We do not repent
· We become angry at God
· We do not trust God
· Our hearts harden
This pattern pulls us further from God’s intended design for restoration and freedom. But Jesus shows us a better way. His words in Matthew 5:44 reminds us: “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
Obedience Leading to Trust
The natural human response to injustice is often the desire for revenge and vengeance. However, through obedience to God--rooted in trust--we can rise above these destructive impulses. When we place our trust in God’s promise to avenge us, we can release the weight of seeking revenge ourselves and allow Him to handle it in His way and His time.
This however, is only achieved through a trusting relationship with God. Trust fuels the desire for obedience. As we solidify our identity in Christ and accept His goodness, we no longer feel the need to avenge ourselves. Instead, we can rest in the assurance that God sees our pain, loves us, and will act on our behalf in ways far beyond our understanding.
This process is not easy, especially for those who have endured deep harm, but it is the path to true freedom—a freedom not from pain or suffering, but from the burden of carrying it alone. By trusting God, we give Him the space to transform our sorrows into something that brings glory to Him and peace to our hearts.
The key to this transformation is a heart that softens. A hardened heart must become soft for God to work within us.